Dirty
by shestarsky
Summary: Callen is feeling bad who can understand and help him out.


**Dirty**

Even though he had taken a long, hot shower Callen still felt dirty. No amount of scalding hot water and soap was going to wash away the dirtiness he felt. The filth of the woman from the night before was still there, the marks left from her teeth seemed to sear thru his skin into his soul. He might as well get dressed and go home; after all he could always take another shower there.

"You ok man?" Sam couldn't help but notice the red tint to his partner's skin as he walked over to his desk. "Nothing personal but you do kind of look like a boiled lobster."

"I'm fine, I might have had the water a little too hot but it's nothing to worry about." He shrugged off the concern as he started packing up his laptop prior to leaving for the day. "I'll see you later."

Sam watched Callen walk away feeling something was off with the smaller man but knowing that he wasn't going to get an answer until G was ready to talk. Looking back down at the report he was working on Sam never noticed how closely Deeks was watching G.

Callen's thoughts kept returning to the mission the team had been working on for the last week. They had managed to seek out and capture a small terrorist cell planning on planting multiple bombs in high traffic areas around the city. He had spent several days undercover as a hired gun trying to find out the locations for the bombs.

There were only four members of the group, 3 men and 1 woman. The only person he was able to get close to was the woman, she had eventually given him the information they needed to prevent the bombings.

Callen had worked undercover for years, he had actually lost count of the number of alias he had assumed for the various alphabet agencies he had worked for. During those missions there had been many things that he had been required to do that had disgusted him; violent acts, lying to people, whatever it took to get the job done. Most of the time he was able to shake off the guilt in view of the good he accomplished. Except for the women.

He hated using innocent women to get the job done; playing on their emotions, getting them to trust him and reveal the secrets they didn't know they knew. He hated seeing the betrayed look on their faces when they realized he wasn't who he said he was; that everything he had said and done was a lie.

But nothing made him feel as dirty as having to allow an evil woman to paw his body, to have to get physical with someone that he hated to get the information that he needed. Most of the time Callen was skilled enough to get what he wanted with just a few caresses and kisses, but every now and then he had actually had to cross the invisible line that no one talked about. This had been one of those times; the woman (Maria) would not be satisfied with kisses and a promise of more to come in the future (a future that was never going to happen). It was all he could do to get her into a separate room before she started to rip his clothes off, she hadn't seemed to care that her partners were watching her shove her tongue down his throat and run her heavily tattoed hand over his crotch.

So he had put a smile on his face and taken one for the team, not that the team knew. He was talented enough to be able to disable his microphone before anyone heard anything. When both Sam and Eric had asked why they couldn't hear anything from him last night he had made some excuse about accidently turning it off.

So now here he was, sitting in his back yard trying to oust the images from his brain with scotch. Not that he was any more successful with the scotch than he had been with trying to wash her touch off his body with soap and water. He just sat there continuing to take a swig from the bottle occasionally as the memories of a tanned, muscular woman with dark eyes and hair ran thru his brain. At times he could feel her hands and lips moving over his body the scrape of her nails down his back and over his buttocks, he could still hear the moans coming from her mouth.

Shaking his head he took another swig of scotch before putting the bottle down and picking up the gun on the table beside him.

"I know you're there so you might as well come out now before I have to get up." Callen slowly turned his head towards the source of the noises he had been hearing for the last few minutes. "You really don't want to mess with me tonight."

"Hey Callen no need to go all special agent on a guy, can't a friend stop by for a visit?" Deeks slowly walked around the corner of the house with his hands up. He knew the other man was in a bad place and was taking no chances. At the best of times the senior agent was dangerous in this mood who knew what damage he could do.

"What are you doing here Deeks, did something happen to Kensi?" He narrowed his eyes and sent a glare towards the blonde. "Tell me now if you've done something stupid I need to fix."

Marty approached the senior agent slowly taking in the half empty bottle of booze on the table and the gun still aimed in his direction. "It's all good, nothing wrong with Kensi. I just came by to see if you needed some company. I hate to see a man drink alone."

He watched as Callen put the gun down and picked up the bottle for another drink before holding it out. "Since when have we been drinking buddies? Better yet how did you know I was drinking alone?"

"Look Callen I know what you're going thru, I've been undercover and had to do the same thing you did. There's no need for you to sit out here by yourself and suffer." Marty held his hand up to stop Callen from speaking. "Don't try to deny it to me; I've seen that same look in your eyes looking back at me from a mirror a few times. It's the thing no one talks about that happens more often than people know. The thing they tell you that you're never going to have to do when they first hire you. You can tell when it's happened to someone, you see it in their eyes."

Callen looked Deeks in the eye satisfied with what he saw there. He knew the man was a good undercover agent, having seen him in action many times. "Take a seat, have a drink. Sam doesn't know, I don't think he's ever been put in that position as for Kens, I know she's had to go a little further than she was comfortable with a few times but never this far."

"Yea, I get that from her too." Not wanting to push Deeks asked his next question quietly. "Are you going to be ok, do you want to talk about it or should I call Sam or Hetty?"

Letting loose of a heavy sigh he grabbed the bottle back from the detective. "I'm fine there's no need to call in reinforcements. I have no plans to do something stupid if that's what you're worried about."

"Ok what do you want to talk about then, sports or the weather? I know how about women; maybe you can give me some advice." Deeks grinned at the other man as he grabbed the bottle and took a drink.

"Are you really going to ask for my help in scoring with Kensi? The woman that's like a little sister to me; even you aren't that stupid Deeks."


End file.
